Illustration Illustration Illustration

Hello World!

Who was it who came up with the saying "location, location, location", well I have put a new twist on that saying to come up with the phrase "illustration, illustration, illustration!". No, not a comment on the property market of today (there isn't actually a property market in the UK anymore for people of 45 and under) but a cynical attempt to gain rankings in the major search engines.

That's right, I'm coming straight out with it, no trying to hide my keywords in, on the surface, innocent looking editorial copy that once read has a strange feeling of subliminal mind games about it. No, I'm going straight for the jugular - I want to be top of Google and proud (see new tee shirt and badge range coming soon). And when I achieve high search rankings for Google I shall then revert to only publicising my website, which promotes my services as an illustrator by the way, in small cards stuck to the interior of phone boxes in the Kings Cross area of London. Call it anti-eMarketing if you like, I can get it but then I don't want it - that'll play with Googlebot's mind (it does have a mind doesn't it - an algorithm is a type of bird isn't it?).

Aside from my cynical attempts to gain search engine ranking I have also devoted a fair proportion of my week to using eBay. Mmm I thought, lets sort out the loft and get rid of those useful items I have been hoarding for many years now and what better place to sell all of these useful items than eBay, what could possibly go wrong.

To me the Internet is about convenience and interaction, two of it's most potent and significant advantages. The only problem comes when you add humans into the mix with there inability to read simple text instructions and comprehend the most basic workings of lets say..mm, an auction site for example. So things are progressing well with my listings on eBay, I have listed my products, provided all manor of images nd descriptions and made the payment options (cash for collection or paypal) and fact that I don't want to post anything (very large heavy items you see) totally clear in several sections.

FANTASTIC! I think to myself when I see my first item has sold for £350, who would have thought it, an all that for a little time online and a bit of elbow grease with the Pledge. I notice that my winning bidder has no positive feedback but he has mailed me to tell me not to be concerned as he is new to eBay and hasn't bought or sold anything yet.

But oh dear, what's this - my winning bidder lives in Staffordshire, a two hour drive from here. Surprise surprise, here comes the e-mail I have been expecting "as it may be some time until I can pick up would you be able to post to me?". "Yes" I replied grudgingly, "how do you want to pay" I asked. "Can I pay by cheque" he asks! No, no no no no, do I have idiot written on my head in big letters. So, great, you have a zero rating on feedback from other buyers and sellers, you haven' bothered to read "pick up only" written all over the product information and you also seem unable to read my payment options or grasp the concept of fraud?

Last night he sends me an e-mail saying he doesn't have a pay pal account, so what, set one up - it takes all of 5 minutes!!! He agrees to do this tomorrow (today). Phew, making monkeys jump through hoops is tiring work.

Combine the antics of my winning bidder with attempts to phish information via the message section claiming that someone else is using my photos to sell and item and linking through to a spoof eBay site, people asking stupid questions because they are too thick to read the information section and requests to come round and look at products when they are only reaching £40 on the auction and you start to wonder if it's all worth it?

On a brighter note, this morning I read the scenario "imagine if people stopped watching TV and going to the shops" when discussing how the Internet was changing society. Long live the Internet I say, I haven't been watching TV and shopping for a long time. I'm not sure everyone will agree though! (that's you JU!)

ciao for now.
mr p